Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: iphone, masturbate, new, shake, what the fuck
I was in the airport the other day, sitting in my row of sterile, attached seats — and I looked up to a kid sitting in the row in front of me. His back was to me.
The kid starts ferociously jolting his arm up and down around his crotch. Repeatedly, in hard, fast jolts. I was like, “Hey, uhh, is — is anyone else seeing this?” It looked like a monkey who had just discovered his pecker, going to town.
Then his brother came over and sat next to him, all while he’s beating ferociously. Brother just staring towards his crotch. I was like “Ummmm…this is weird, guys. You should probably not be watching this..”.
And then, from the depths of this beating of pantomime, I saw a new iPod emerge mid-shake. I was like, “ohhhh…”. That makes a little more sense. I guess the kid was just trying to find a random song with that new iPod “shake” feature. And all I have to say to that is: Apple, you’ve got a sick sense of humor.
If there are paper towels called “Awesome!”, how could anyone in their right mind buy anything else?

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: awesome, dreams, sausage, weight lifting, weird
For some reason, I really thought I could down that much sausge in between intense thigh squats. I don’t even weight-lift. But in this dream, I was really convinced. In fact, I specifically requested extra spicy sausage to make it more of a challenge.
And I made out with a hot chick at the gym. She liked my sausage musk.
Dreams are awesome.